13 apr. 2012


To feel nothing but everything at the same time...

What do you do when you feel nothing at all but everything at the same time. Thoughts are spinning but stands still. You do not have the strenght to move but cant sit still. You are tired but cant sleep. Your body is starving but you cant eat. You talk but cant listen. Cannot focus, cannot read what is infront of you. You are surrounded by everyone but feel alone. The sun is bright but darkness is all around.  Sense...... there is no sense.. all is chaos but in order.
 Hide, HIDE is all you do.  You do not feel yourself but know you are there. The constant reminder that you are here drives you to insanity. Slow down is no option, move is all that helps.. mile after mile after mile, do not dare to stop and feel. The water is calming, it runs through as if it was nothing, it is drawn, pushed and forced. Just want to be where it is calm. There is no other way for it to go but down and through. The rocks beside it is strenghtening.
I sit in the rain; my tears mixed with the rain.. My body is cold and I try to feel. I feel nothing and everything. Please let me feel something and nothing at all.
The thoughts are dark but I try to keep them bright. Lost in thoughts I sit there.. watching the water get forced through.. pushing up to get down stream. forced through to the other side..
I find calm, the calm on one side and the force on the other. I pedal, pedal, pedal, pedal.. people watching thinking, this is insane. I hide. STAY AWAY FROM ME!
I do not need the questions being asked. Inside I am broken, on the outside I am what everyone see.. HAPPY! Do not want people.. Do not want pity. Hate the sound in their voices of pity.
Therefore I stay quiet, do not let anyone in. Darkness is all over me and I fight. Fight to stay alive, fight to stay. 
Some love to talk.. I hide in the shadows. I hide there quiet. Nature comes and goes in their rath and beauty! Nature is true beauty. It is calm, pure and beauty. There is no other place then in the woods. Alone, at night on a dirt road to nowhere.. with every push forward, reality passes me.. do not dare to stop.. it will catch you no matter how fast you go..
Once lost never to be found.
Who am I, what do I want.. Thought life would be  not just a reflection but an actuality.
Dreams gets crushed but might rise again.
levae and never come back is easier said then kept. Fight fight!!!  
Words means nothing snymore,,
again, will never happen.
Up in the clouds as usual, floating in my dreams, a better life. The bubble makes it all feel safe..
I stare at my arms. the tattoos are there for a reason, covering up and speaking at the same time.. reminding on what to not.. Please wake up and feel, or dont feel.. I feel the body killing me from the inside.. I flee, I have to flee.. forget, remember.. I do not know what is worse..
My bubble bursts and and I fall.. life is no longer there.. forever lost.. never to return.. ALL IS LOST! Pain is no longer there..

3 apr. 2012

Draw The Line?

There is a line infront of me, it is barley visible and very fuzzy. 
I rub my eyes in hopes of it getting more clear, but with no success. I try to touch it and maybe if I use my sleve I can make it clearer. The line isnt there to be touched though, it is there to either stay fuzzy or become clear. Only when it is clear you can cross with both feet. Whatever you leave behind that line is then forever gone, just memories of a passed time. 
The line infront of me is a timeline.
 It either brings you forward or make you stay behind. It sets the time between what you want to come and what you are ready to lose. If I cross while it is fuzzy I might never experience what is coming and what I lost is then forever gone..


2 apr. 2012

Marsliden at wintertime

What a Beautiful country I live in!! Such views!
These photos was taken today at Marsliden. I am always so amazed by how beautiful the mountains are up there. I have seen them all my life, but the beauty never fades in my eyes!